Wednesday, March 30, 2011

In all seriousness

I've been having a really really off week/month/seems like forever. I don't know why but everything seems so lackluster.
I'm coming to the realization that I don't want to go to school to become an art teacher, and I don't know whether it's because my classes are so awful I find myself hardly going, or because I truly want to become an entrepreneur and open my shop of things I make. I feel like the norm is to go to college for 4 years, graduate, and get a normal job. But what if that's not what I want? Of course I love learning about art, but my classes are so dry, and the projects allow barely any creativity that I feel my love for art slipping away. I don't want to go to school for two more years and spend a lot of money on a degree for something I don't really want to do. I hope that I sound reasonable- and not like I have no idea what I'm saying.
I'm currently going to a county college and need to take two more summer classes to graduate. I know I can push myself to finish this and get my Associates degree, but I don't know if I can push myself to take out a student loan for a TON of money for the school I would go on to for a degree I am so unsure of.
I feel like all of this has been sucking the life out of me- though it shouldn't. I've always been a really good student with all A's and the occasional B. This semester I feel like I don't even care. It's just that awful. And I feel like it's affecting everything else in my life. Things just don't feel the same to me- and my hatred of my school has caused a couple fights with Brian, who loves his classes and his major and can't seem to understand how I am so uncaring about mine.

If you read all of this know how much I appreciate it. Seriously, thank you. I kind of just needed to get this off my chest. I feel like the only person in the world right now who feels this way, and everyone I talk to doesn't seem to understand. I've been too stressed to really update this blog with too many happy things, so now maybe you can see why. I didn't go back and correct this post or anything so sorry if there is a ton of errors, it all just came out like word vomit..


  1. I truly believe that college isn't for everybody! But, things like health insurance and retirement plans are nice to have. You just have to figure out what is best for you!

  2. I completely understand where you are coming from. I think EVERYONE goes through this college funk. I think before you make any decisions, you need to determine whether it's because you don't like your classes or being an art teacher isn't your dream. I really hope you find a solution that makes you happy now and in the end! xo

  3. I agree. School was never for me. I was hardly passionate about the requirements, most teachers and the silly assignments. I can honestly tell you that working now is the most fun and fulfilling time of my life.I am at my dream job and can work for hours on end and not even feel exhausted. However I forced myself to finish college because I thought that was necessary. Just know you're not alone, Caitlyn. :)

    Bea from A plus B

  4. i have definitely been in a similar place- i'm sorry you're having to go through it too! maybe you should take some time off from school to recharge and have some new experiences. you may find a whole new calling!

    just know that you are terrific, and that as long as you follow your bliss, everything will turn out all right. :)

  5. oh i am sorry love.
    i have a BA degree in ART/painting.. is not for everyone.
    and in the end..i am not even really using my degree..which is okay.
    i am trying to figure out if i want to go to grad school or what!?! ahh..
    bc i love making art on my own but that doesnt pay the bills.
    but annnnyways..hahaha..all i can say is:
    seriously..i have a long talk with yourself and do a pro and con list.

    everything happens for a reason.
    (it such a stupid phrase that is overused way to much..but it is TRUE!)

    i <3 you..

  6. It's good you realized it now rather than after spending two more years and thousands of dollars chasing that degree.

    People everywhere are doing awesome, with and without degrees. You'll be fine, no matter what you choose. Good luck!

  7. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this at the moment. But sometimes everyone has to have phases like these because that's when we notice that something has to change.
    I went through this a few years ago. I had started an apprenticeship in a dialogue marketing company and after one week I knew it was the crappiest job ever! But I didn't want to break up because it was the only offer for an apprenticeship I had gotten, so I kept going. Then after one months I really hated it! I hated that I had to go there every morning and I hated the things we did and the people and, well, basically everything about it. This job felt like a pure waste of time and it sucked the life out of me, I was irritable and discontent.
    So I quit. And it was the right decision.
    What I'm trying to say with this anecdote is that sometimes you have to listen to what your body and mind are saying. You're still young, you can try out things before making profound decisions. It's your life and no one but you can know what makes you feel good and which path is the right one.
    If you really feel that what you're doing now is not right, if you're convinced, then you should change something about the situation. It's simply not worth it if you know that it will feel wrong to go to this county college for two more years.
    And I'm sure your boyfriend loves you and will understand you sooner or later, because as far as I could see and read here you two are a lovely couple :)

    I wish you all the best! Gee above is right, everything happens for a reason.

  8. Thanks all for the kind words. I've really been thinking about this so much lately, I think it's more that I'm afraid my parents will be really unhappy if I don't go to school for my 4 year degree- although they are not going to be paying for it. I am the kind of person that never wants to disappoint them, but when it comes to be happy, I don't think I should force myself into something because I don't want to feel guilty.

  9. Don't do it. Finish out your associates and then decide. I don't think it's a good idea to get yourself in debt for something you don't love anymore. My boyfriend dropped out of college because he decided he didn't like what he was studying anymore. he still hasn't figured it out, but I have to give him points for having the guts to say he didn't like where he was headed. No need to suffer over this, that's for sure!

  10. Unfortunately kids today are told they need to go to a 4 year school directly after graduating, and it doesn't even matter if they're passionate about their classes, they just have to get that degree. That's really not true, and college isn't for everyone. Re-examine what your goals and priorities are, and then make the best decision to help fulfill those goals. If college fits into that, that's great! If it doesn't, that's fine too. We need to keep ourselves constantly learning, but not necessarily in a institutional setting. Hopefully you'll be able to make a decision, I know this must be really hard for you! xo

  11. if you dont want to be in school then you shouldnt be. If you make yourself happy and maybe school just isnt for you. Besides you dont want to throw all that money away for a degree you wont use. Use that money to start your own shop and see how it goes. I mean you go always go back to school if you decide down the road that you want to be an art teacher. Hope that helps some :)

  12. Oh gosh, I totally know where you're coming from! I'm in my first year of art school for Graphic Design and I'm losing steam this semester too. A ton of my friends are becoming art teachers, and it seems very demanding. I believe teaching is an art form in itself. Don't give up. It takes a truly special kind of person to become a teacher. In fact the world needs more great art teachers. That's where it all begins for kids! So like I said, don't give up :) you can do it! :)

  13. I wish I had something of use to say! I kind of petered out at the end of my long 5 years of college, and ended up getting a degree that was enjoyable for me but ultimately useless, and to be honest I didn't put a whole lot of time or effort into it near the end (I skipped so, so many classes). All I can say in terms of advice (if you want it), is to really search your soul for a while. Are you feeling unhappy because of the school and how things are run? Or are you unhappy because of the specific subject matter? Maybe there's something else that you'd much rather be doing. What you should ask yourself is, if you could do anything, no matter the cost or the debt or the time or effort, what would you do? Maybe not ~in life~, but at least in the near future. What would make you happy? And then, when you've found the answer to that, DO IT. Simple as that.

    I feel like I'm annoyingly idealistic about this whole thing lately, but I made the decision to go to grad school to get ANOTHER degree in creative writing, in London, because I have 2 dreams in life: 1. write a novel (which would be accomplished during my year at Brunel University), and 2. live in England. Both of which will be accomplished in the next year or so, if all goes according to plan. I'll be $20k or so in debt for student loans, not including my undergrad loans, but the only thing that matters in life (to me, anyway) is spending my time on earth doing what makes me happy, what makes me fulfilled. Maybe that's what you need to figure out. What will fulfill you? I wouldn't worry about student loans. I really wouldn't. If you want to finish your degree, do it. If you want to fuck that shit and go do something else, DO IT. I can't stress enough how amazing it feels to be doing what I truly WANT in life. So do what truly feels right in your heart. Cheeseball advice, but I seriously mean it!

  14. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, Caitlyn :( I know how you feel though - I don't think I've felt a funk quite this bad, but I have days/weeks where I have little meltdowns and think WHAT AM I DOING I'M NOT EVEN ENJOYING THIS. I DON'T WANT A DEGREE!!! And then I will get good feedback from an assignment or a great grade or become really involved in an interesting class or have a fun tutorial group and I feel all better again. I do worry about the future of where my qualification will take me but for now I'm just trying to do my best (and keep that hideous student loan as small as possible. Ugh).

    So all the advice I can offer for you is to wait it out, don't make any big decisions in the heat of the moment, and try to stay happy. Everything will work out :)

  15. I almost quit college three distinct times. Not periods of "OMG I'm so frustrated" but times where I almost actively took the steps to withdraw. I have a liberal arts degree -- a degree some people told me was worthless.

    I'm so glad I didn't quit. It was an investment, both personally and in regards to my career. The feeling of accomplishment and perserverance I had on graudation meant more to me than anything. Also, I found that even having ANY degree at all has aided me greatly in my career. You can do this.

  16. I totally know what you mean...I go through this rut every few months it feels like. I tend to make rash decisions without thinking, so I always try to find the source of why I think I hate school/major first. Like this semester, my Calc II class is making me hate college right now. But I know that it won't come up in my career in biology, so I have to make sure not to change away from it just because I think I don't like it. Because it's really some random class. Okay, so I'm rambling and my thoughts are a bit all over the place, but maybe you got what I was trying to say.

  17. what you're going through is something i'm all too familiar with.
    just a while back i found myself not interested in the course i was studying and was going through pretty much what you're going through right nw.
    i think u should stick it out for a while longer, and if you still feel this way, you should explore other options!
    tc and don't think too much about the future!


  18. You are not alone! Not only am I currently so OVER school (thankfully I'm in my last semester), but I too go to school for art(1st fine arts, and new fashion) and know what it's like to have the passion sucked out of it.

    Realistically, how can one person turn in several art projects a week and still feel creative?! I'm so burned out.

    Sorry this is so long, but I can definitely relate to what you are feeling.

    Hang in there.
    xo, Heather

  19. Just came across your blog for the first time and wanted to say it's beautiful! Also we have a lot in common, I'm happily married and also a cat lady too :) Keep up the great work, I'll be back for sure x

  20. I hope you feel better soon, life is sometimes not very easy but we have to pick ourselves up and plod on through the dark times.

    The Cat Hag

  21. I know it was a while ago you posted this but I have not had the time to read it until today. Hope you have figured things out. I can totaly see myself in this description, although, I'm only in high school. I have no idea of what to do this summer or the following year and years to come. I love sewing, but don't know if I want to make a living of it. Even if dare trying, I don't know how much time I would like to spend on it, put my very soul into it if you know? I dont knnw if this helped, but I just wanted to say you are not alone in not knowing exacy what you want to do with your life. But please remember to have fun!
    Love Änglamark.


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